Narcissistic Abuse

The signs of narcissistic abuse can be similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and can vary depending on the severity and duration of the abuse. Much of the time, this abuse is triggered by a perceived confrontation or a ‘threat’ to the abuser’s self-worth. Specific experiences of victims include:

• Feeling constantly undermined, belittled, or criticized
• “Walking on eggshells” in order to avoid conflict or anger from the abuser
• Being gaslighted or manipulated
• Feeling like you are being controlled
• The abuser stonewalls you or uses silent treatment as a means of punishment
• Unable to or feeling like you cannot make your own decisions
• Feeling like you are not able to express your own feelings or needs
• The abuser blames you for their problems or behaviours
• Feelings of worthlessness

In the early stages of romantic relationships, narcissistic individuals may be charming and extremely affectionate (also referred to as ‘love bombing’). They often select a partner who has something valuable to them or who can boost their self-esteem through admiration or association. They may see their partner as a status symbol with unique attributes that enhances their own sense of self-worth. However, as the relationship progresses, they may become increasingly controlling, manipulative, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. Narcissists are also known to cheat, lie and discard their partners without any remorse, and may try to isolate their partners from friends and family.

Although we typically associate narcissistic abuse in the context of romantic relationships, parental narcissism is equally as harming. In parent-child relationships, narcissistic parents may be highly demanding and critical, resulting in a lack of empathy or affection toward their children. They may also be prone to favoritism and view their children as extensions of themselves, rather than as unique individuals with their own needs and desires. Narcissistic parents may use their children as props to enhance their own self image, and manipulate them to gain validation and fulfill their own needs for control.

The effects of narcissistic abuse can be devastating and long-lasting. Narcissistic abuse victims often experience PTSD, including flashbacks, nightmares, and feelings of guilt, shame, and worthlessness. They may also struggle with anxiety and depression, and may have difficulty trusting others or forming healthy relationships in the future.

In children, narcissistic abuse, or having parents with narcissistic traits, may cause feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. It may instill insecure attachment styles, making it difficult for children to set boundaries and form healthy relationships in their adult life. Conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and oppositional defiant disorder may also develop as a result.

Narcissistic abuse can result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), particularly if the abuse is severe and prolonged. PTSD can develop after a person has experienced or witnessed a traumatic event. Narcissistic abuse can be considered a traumatic event in this case, as it involves psychological, and sometimes physical harm.

Symptoms of PTSD that may occur after narcissistic abuse include:

• Intrusive and distressing memories, nightmares, or flashbacks of the abuse
• Avoidance of reminders of the abuse, such as people, places, or activities
• Negative changes in mood and thoughts, such as feeling detached, guilty, ashamed, or irritable
• Hypervigilance and being startled easily
• Difficulty sleeping, concentrating or trusting others

Fortunately, several treatment options are available for those who have experienced narcissistic abuse. The first step in narcissistic abuse treatment is to recognize that you are a victim of abuse and to take steps to protect yourself from further harm. This may involve setting boundaries with the abuser, seeking the support of friends and family, and, if necessary, leaving the relationship.

Therapy is an important component of treatment for narcissistic abuse. At the Private Therapy Clinic, a practitioner can help you process the trauma and develop coping strategies to deal with the aftermath of the abuse, or prescribe medication if needed. Various forms of therapy can be helpful, depending on the needs of the individual, such as:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps individuals understand and change the unhelpful thoughts and behaviours that stem from the abuse.
• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) helps individuals regulate their emotions, build healthy relationships and improve their overall quality of life.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) uses tapping or eye movements to access traumatic memories and process them in a different way, leading to a reduction in symptoms.
• Medication may be prescribed by a psychiatrist if one begins to develop severe symptoms of PTSD.
• Joining a support group of people who have been through similar experiences can also be beneficial, as it provides a sense of validation.

In addition to therapy, self-care is also crucial in the recovery process. This includes taking care of basic needs, such as engaging in regular exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, and limiting the use of drugs or alcohol.

If you or someone you know is currently experiencing narcissistic abuse, please get in touch with the Private Therapy Clinic on Whatsapp message at: 7511116565 email, chat bot or book online to arrange an appointment.

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Howard, V. (2019) Recognising Narcissistic Abuse and the Implications for Mental Health Nursing Practice, Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 40:8, 644-654, DOI: 10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485